When the Sun Starts to Shine

I never imagined that I would ever get to where I am now. Everyone tells you that you will make it, that things will get better, and that one day everything you’ve been feeling will be all behind you, but behind your fake smile, you don’t really believe it. It seems impossible that one day you will wake up and the things that weighed so heavy on your heart will just disappear, but I am here to tell you that they do. No, it doesn’t just happen overnight, but without knowing it, each day becomes just a little less unbearable and one day you wake up feeling like a new person. The entire process is a journey and a trip you never thought one day you would be thankful for. Although it was long and filled with pain, heartache, unanswered questions, and countless sleepless nights, it ultimately made you stronger. It’s been five months and it no longer consumes your mind and you can finally stop seeing what used to be in the little moments of each day. It becomes easier to get out of bed, go to work, and do the things you used to love. But more than this, happiness is not something you have to work at, it finally becomes second nature. You no longer have to convince yourself to go out, play the “sick” card every other week, and you can finally stop lying about going to something you really didn’t just to make it seem like you are making progress. But the most beautiful part about this whole journey is that you get find apart of yourself you never knew existed. You stop worrying about trying to make everyone happy and being so concerned with what other people think of you. Overtime your smile becomes genuine and your laughter stems from within. You finally realize all the things that were wrong about your relationship, become thankful for all the things that never happened, and can look forward to the day you are loved with everything you deserve. Seeing him with her stops making you cringe and you can actually laugh to yourself because he turned out to be everything he swore he never would. Sure, this process if long and exhausting and it can’t be rushed no matter how many people tell you to hurry it along, but ultimately, this process is beautiful. Hold tights friends because things do get better and you will become a much better person in the end. My journey isn’t finished and I still have some barriers left to conquer, but I love the person I am becoming and it feels good to know that the sun is finally starting to shine from behind the clouds. I can see my true potential and I am excited for all the things I will accomplish. I don’t see myself for my flaws and I don’t let my setbacks define me. I no longer fear what society will say about me because I know who I am inside myself. I have a fire in my soul that is burning brighter than it has in many years and that could not have happened without hitting rock bottom. I can’t say I would want to ever relive these past five months again and really I’m not happy that these life changes had to happen this way, but I am thankful that something good came out of something so awful.

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