Am I wasting my time waiting for an old time love, a true gentlemen, and a classy relationship? It’s not any secret that we don’t live in the same world we did 80, 50, or even 20 years ago. Virginity is lost in middle school, getting to know someone before diving into bed is not necessary, and saving yourself for marriage is unheard of. A man doing kind and supportive gestures towards the women he cares about makes him “whipped” and showing any ounce of affection is interpreted as doing whatever it takes to get into her pants. A women’s outward appearance decides her personality and if she is “good” enough to be with a particular person. Any flaws such as mental illness, autoimmune disease, weight struggles, acne problems, or even a stutter, calls into question what a man could possibly see or even be attracted to. Going out and meeting someone new is scary and intimidating on its own, but when you don’t want a 21st century kind of love, it adds even more uneasiness. You never know if the intentions of the men around you are the same as yours. Does he want to get to know you more on the inside, or does he really just want to get inside? Is he truly interested in taking you on a date, or is he just trying to win a bet with his friends? Is he saying all the things you want to hear with only one thing on his mind, is he really just looking to “Netflix and chill?” Some may view these questions and worries as anxiety and over thinking, and to an extent, maybe they are, but in reality, this is the world we live in. Where have all the gentlemen gone? Where has the romance disappeared to?
I want to be sought out and pursued for who I am, what I believe, and what makes me, me. I want a man to see the beauty that lies beyond the curves, the extra weight, and the insecurities. I want a man who enjoys quality time, spontaneous adventures, and exploring the unknown. Where are the gentlemen who directly ask you on a date, brings you flowers, and pay more attention to you than his cell phone or the tv’s in the restaurant? The gentlemen who takes interest in your interests, genuinely wants the best for you, and who believes in your dreams and ambitions. I want an old time date where getting a coke or going for a drive was fun and exciting. A date without distractions and the focus was on us and getting to know each other rather than what’s happening on social media or what is going to happen at the end of the night. A conversation filled with questions about interests, fears, dreams, memories, happy times, beliefs, values, and goals. Relationships aren’t perfect, and they certainly aren’t easy, but having a man who stands by your side and sees you for you and the qualities that you hold, rather than what he can get from you physically, is so important, and so important to me. I want to be seen for far more than my body and I want to believe there are men out there who stand up to this expectation, an expectation I don’t see as impossible or farfetched. I was once told that if we, as women, just lower our standards, we could be in a relationship, or with a man, in only a short amount of time. This breaks my heart because we should not be teaching our daughters that boys will be boys, we should be raising our boys to rise above. I refuse to settle for a 21st century relationship and anything less than a gentlemen. I want an old time kind of love.